


To Feel the Thunder

by SilverSlashes



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1392223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSlashes/pseuds/SilverSlashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based lightly on the song "That Summer" by Garth Brooks</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Feel the Thunder

Jared stared out the open window as he turned the truck onto the dusty drive that would take him to the ranch.   Everything looked exactly the same, from the faded, wooden fencing to the rolling golden and green colors of grass stretching out in every direction.  Jared inhaled deeply and let the clean air smell of untouched country calm his nerves.  It had been almost five years since the last time he had seen this place, and just like his very first drive down this winding dirt road he wasn't sure of the kind of welcome he would be receiving.

\------

Jared had been fresh out of high school and eager to do something different with his last summer.  He hadn't wanted to stick around his tiny North Carolina town and watch all his high school friends get drunk in constant celebration of making it to the next step in life, which for most of them was community college or the work force.  Jared had been headed for different things.  He was going to start Brown University in the fall and pretty soon he figured his home would be a speck in the review mirror. 

But first, he needed a plan to get out of his hometown for the summer.  Jared had wanted something cool that he could talk about to all his new friends at college, some sort of summer experience that made him sound awesome and different.  He had been in 4-H, literally one of the only extra-curricular activities to do in his town, and he figured that counted as experience enough to work on a ranch.

He had learned about some programs for students where you could find work on ranches out west for the summer.  Ranchers needed help with the cattle or preparing the ranch for the fall and winter. It was a chance to see a new place, earn some money, and maybe learn something.  Plus, Jared figured it beat lifeguarding again at the community pool like some sort of aquatic babysitter. He was tired of blowing the whistle at snot-nosed kids who he just knew were peeing in the pool while their mothers read romance novels in ignorant bliss under an umbrella.

So, Jared had ended up on a ranch in the middle of bum fuck nowhere Wyoming for the summer; which he had been ecstatic about, even as his mother had tearfully hugged him goodbye.  Jared had promised he’d call and that he would be back the week before Move-in Day so that his parents could take him to college and drop him off like every other proud parent rite of passage ever. 

Jared hadn’t considered a few things in his calculations though.  He hadn’t planned on getting placed at Spirit Water Ranch.  He hadn’t planned on being the only worker there for the summer.  And he most certainly had not planned for Jensen Ackles.

\------

Jared pulled his truck up in the yard and climbed out, glancing from the rustic, sprawling ranch house to the empty corral to the large barn and surrounding storage buildings.  Jared closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment of stillness, standing by the side of his truck, to remember that summer.  He remembered, the endless hours sweating in the barn while Jensen worked with the horses, riding out to mend fences, painting and fixing the buildings. 

Jared could still remember the dry, Midwestern nights that he and Jensen spent out on the front porch of the house watching the heat lightening dance across the sky. Jared had talked about college, about careers, about escaping his small town and finding his place in the world.  Jensen had talked about growing up on the ranch and moving to Texas to go to college and be a city-slicker. 

As the summer wore on, Jared had confided that he didn’t know how to tell his parents he was gay and Jensen had quietly told him that he had moved back to the ranch only after his parents had died in a car accident and it was either run the ranch himself or sell it; he had still managed to finish his business degree online.  They had shared things, given over their personal struggles to each other in the warm evening air of the Wyoming plains. Despite Jensen’s thirty-one to Jared’s eighteen, they had become friends.

\------

Jared scanned the parts of the ranch he could see again.  The ranch was quiet; the afternoon sun was slowly making its way down and towards the mountainous horizon.  Jared had shown-up this time towards the end of summer.  What help Jensen had hired was probably already gone.  He spotted a truck he didn’t recognize parked down by the side of the barn.  It was a Dodge though, so Jensen must have just gotten a new truck.

Jared’s heart skipped a beat when he thought about that.  Of course Jensen had gotten a new truck, it had been four plus years.  A lot of things could change in a person’s life in four plus years.  He almost lost his courage again, his thoughts swirling in deep pools of doubt involving stupid, naïve promises and whispered words and things that Jared logically thought couldn’t exist in the real world.

But, he had made a promise.  Jared had given Jensen his word, and if this desperate action of just showing up at the Spirit Water Ranch didn’t turn out the way Jared had been intending it to for the past few years, well then, he had tried.  Jared thought that, for his peace of mind, he at least had to visit the Spirit Water just one more time.

\------

The Spirit Water Ranch had been everything that Jared had pictured--- a large farmhouse, a large barn, fences, open fields, open sky, and the not entirely unpleasant smell of farmland.  Jared thought it was the perfect representation of earth meeting sky. 

And the man that walked out onto the porch to greet him was most definitely Jared’s definition of the perfect man, and pretty much what Jared pictured when he pictured a cowboy.  Next to the handsome, golden, smiling, and slightly bow-legged picture of perfection walking towards him, Jared felt out of place.  He was wearing his favorite t-shirt, some jeans, and sneakers.  He had bought some cowboy boots but he had felt stupid wearing them, so he’d just packed them.

Jared straightened his shoulders as the guy approach, no use acting out of sorts.  He had been probably bisexual since early high school, but having this guy, who was quite possibly his boss for the summer, confirm that notion, was no reason to lose his manners.

Jared shook the warm and calloused hand offered him, as the guy opened his mouth to let out a sexy drawl that wasn’t quite Texas, but sounded bread-basket of American born and raised, “Welcome to the Spirit Water. I’m Jensen Ackles, owner, manager, worker…,” Jared returned the easy smile as the guy chuckled, “well, hell, I pretty much do everything around here needs doing. It’s just me, s’why I put in to that place to get some seasonal help.”

Jared nodded, “and they sent you me, sorry.”

Jensen’s smile made Jared’s heart flutter, “don’t be sorry Jared, they sent me your information. I think you’re going to do just fine.  Doesn’t take a lot of experience to help run a ranch, it just takes a lot of hard work.”

Jared grinned, “That I can do.”

Jensen clapped him on the shoulder, “Well, let me show you your room and then you can help me with supper. I’ll start showing you around tomorrow. I know you drove all the way out here from North Carolina and I don’t want to over load you after you’ve been on the road for a couple days.”

Jared nodded and grabbed his huge duffle out of the backseat, “it’s funny how driving can take a lot out of you. My mom was freaking out about me driving all that way, but I told her if I was going to college up north on my own soon, that I could drive across the country.”

Jensen nodded, “That’s what moms are for though right? To worry about you.”

Something about the way he said it had given Jared pause.  He hadn’t thought to ask about Jensen’s parents.  It was certainly possible that a man in his early thirties could own his own ranch, his parents could be elsewhere.  But, there was a sadness around Jensen’s eyes that had kept Jared from asking about Jensen’s own mother.

Jensen had simply shown Jared to his room, a nice one with its own bathroom, and then they had made steaks and baked potatoes for dinner.  It wasn’t until later in the summer that Jared had learned that Jensen’s mom didn’t worry about Jensen the way Jared’s mom worried about him.  She couldn’t.  Jensen’s parents had died years ago in a car accident.  It was why Jensen worked the ranch alone for the most part, he was the only one left to do it.

Jared had wanted so badly to remove that sadness from around Jensen’s eyes, to make him laugh all the time like he did sometimes when Jared did or said something funny.  They both got along really well, same sense of humor, same taste in movies.  Jared was more talkative, more open, but Jensen was a great listener, and as the summer progressed he patiently taught Jared everything there was to know about running a small ranch in the middle of Wyoming.

Jared had been proud of himself for the remarkable way he handled the attraction he felt for Jensen.  Jared was only eighteen and Jensen gave no indication that he would be interested in another guy, a teenager, or Jared.  There had been a moment when Jared had quietly admitted his preferences to Jensen and the older man had just smiled and nodded. 

Jared had just been grateful he hadn’t called him names and kicked him off his land.  Sometimes he gave people too much credit, and sometimes he didn’t give people enough.  Jensen didn’t seem to care one bit about Jared’s sexuality, but he didn’t seem bolstered by the possibilities of it either.  It was remarkably easy to tamper down a crush on someone that you had absolutely no chance in hell with.

Until one hot, stormy July night, just a month before Jared had to leave.  Jensen had made dinner like almost every night.  He made spaghetti, which was Jared’s favorite, and they sat around talking about Jared’s classes for the fall semester and Jensen’s college experience.  Jensen had magnanimously allowed Jared to have a beer and even after carefully and slowly drinking two of them, Jared’s propensity to un-filter his mouth got the best of him.

Jared assumed at the time that Jensen had been trying to make Jared comfortable, instead of just talking about college girls and ‘getting some’ he had tactfully asked what type of person Jared could see himself dating in college.

Jared had shrugged and said, “I don’t really have a type, somebody like you maybe…”

The minute Jared had realized what he’d said; he wanted to take it back.  He froze in place on the couch where he had been lazily sprawled.  He turned his head slightly to focus on Jensen on the other side of the couch.  His face was carefully blank.

Jared had jumped up, placed his beer bottle on the coffee table, excused himself, and made it up to his room with the door closed behind him before Jensen could even attempt to make a sound.  Jared had been so mortified and angry at himself.  He had kept his cool all summer; Jensen had treated him as an equal, had never spoken to him like a child, and had never acted uncomfortable around him.  And now, Jared had fucked it all to hell by acting like a complete middle-school girl with an unfortunate crush.

He had hidden in his room the rest of the night and he hadn’t even breathed when he had heard Jensen pause briefly outside his door before continuing down the hall to his own room later that night.  Jared prayed that come morning light, they could simply pretend that it hadn’t happened.

Jensen had been amazingly obliging with Jared’s silent prayers the next day.  At breakfast he simply drank his coffee, surfed the web on his laptop, and then explained to Jared the run-down of tasks for the day.  There were no awkward pauses, not weird looks, and no obvious avoidance.  Jared felt a rush of total relief that followed him around for the rest of the day.

That was why, when Jensen had made his move that very night, Jared was totally unprepared.

\------

Jared held his breath when he saw the door open and someone step out onto the porch.  Jared had gotten taller, had filled out, he wore his jeans tighter, his shirts more fitted, his hair a little longer.  He knew all the ways he had changed, had grown, because he had seen it happen in the mirror over the course of four years.  But Jensen looked the same standing on the top step of the porch in the fading sun light. 

Jared could still see his beautiful freckles against golden skin, a perfect pink mouth, lithe shoulders and slim hips.  He was just as gorgeous as Jared had remembered.  He looked slightly stunned to see Jared standing in his front yard, taller, older, like he was seeing a ghost.

They simply stared in silence for a few moments, trying to soak the site of each other in.  Jensen seemed incapable of talking and the longer the silence stretched out the more worried Jared got. 

Jared was honestly terrified that Jensen wouldn’t care, wouldn’t remember, or just wouldn’t want him.  He was terrified that whatever had happened five summers ago had been just a tryst to Jensen, something that had happened and then been filed away to never be thought of again.  Jensen was almost, or was, thirty-five by now and Jared was just twenty-two, maybe Jared was being stupid and romantic.  Maybe he had been the only one waiting, hoping, moving forward with this moment in mind, dating everyone on his college campus that had green eyes. 

Jared swallowed the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him, and threw out his hands wide, “you are looking at a Brown University summa cum laude graduate in Political Science.”

Jensen smiled then and laughed, the sound made Jared’s heart literally skip a fucking beat and then Jensen was coming down off the porch and wrapping Jared up in a hug.  Jared shamelessly sniffed Jensen’s hair and gave himself a moment to be smug about the fact that he was now a few inches taller than Jensen.

He felt Jensen’s lips press lightly into his neck and Jared almost cried from happiness; he whispered softly into the air, “there were so many times I convinced myself that you had been bullshitting me to get me to leave.  But, it hadn’t mattered, college was everything it was supposed to be, it was awesome, but no one was you.”

He felt Jensen shudder a bit and grip him tighter before he responded, “Every time it would rain, I’d think of you and I’d convince myself that you had found someone at college, some guy who was your age and just as funny as you, and…”

Jared shook his head, “I tried.  It never worked.”

Jensen laughed bitterly, “I didn’t try.  That didn’t work either.”

Jared pulled back to look into Jensen’s deep green eyes, just as intense, just as beautiful as he remembered.  Before he could think too much about it, he was leaning in and slanting his mouth over the same soft lips he could vividly remember tracing the lines of his body like it was yesterday. 

Jared again appreciated how Jensen had to tilt his face up just slightly, opening up to the press of Jared’s lips and tongue.  He could remember every patient, mind-blowing lesson Jensen had ever given him, and he felt a sort of gratification in finally being able to kiss Jensen without hesitation, with experienced abandon.

Jensen pulled away and grabbed Jared firmly by the hand to lead him up onto the porch and into the house.  Jared felt his pulse quicken even more and though the house looked the exact same as they made their way to the bedroom, Jared could appreciate it in a whole new way.

He wasn’t worried about it being awkward, or what he would do with his hands, or if Jensen would laugh at him.  He wasn’t worried he’d do or say something wrong.  Jared could feel his stomach coiling in anticipation, not because he didn’t know what would happen but because he knew exactly what would happen.  Both feelings had a different edge of pleasure to them.  He knew that what was about to happen would be just as wonderful as it was the first time all those years ago, when the raging fire in Jared’s body had been matched only by the raging storm outside.

\------

Jared flopped down onto his bed and felt the muscles in his body relaxing in a protesting way that meant he had probably lifted one too many fifty-pound loads that day.  He was still damp from the shower and his stomach was full of food, and this wonderful bed he was laying on was calling his name.  He could hear the rain hitting the roof as a storm rolled in.

He felt his eyelids getting heavy and he briefly thought about trying to find a sleep shirt to match the pajama pants he had on, but then he just sort of disregarded any idea that required him moving.  He heard Jensen call his name and he reluctantly hauled himself off the bed to open his door and stick his head out.

He looked down the hall and Jensen was motioning for him from his bedroom door, “come here for a minute.”

Jared tried to stamp down any lingering thoughts he had about his word vomit moment last night and any reasons Jensen would have for asking Jared into his bedroom that had absolutely nothing to do with that what so ever. Jensen probably had some stupid pluming project he wanted them to work on.  Jared briefly thought about how that sort of project would be a welcome relief from hauling hay around and mending fences.

Jared noticed immediately the large bed in the room and mentally kicked himself, before forcing his eyes to travel over the light colored wooden furniture and the serene blue walls. Jensen was standing in the middle of the room, his hands crossed over his chest and the light gray sleep shirt he had on.  Jared had the sudden urge to cross his arms over his own chest and wondered why he hadn’t had the forethought to put on a t-shirt. 

Jensen cleared his throat, “Jared, I just wanted to say that, well, I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything, you know?”

Jared wondered what he would have to promise a higher power to just disappear, to be anywhere but right where he was, “yeah, totally, sure.”

Jared laughed nervously.  Could he sound any stupider?  Seriously, disappear forever.

Jensen continued on anyway, “No, I mean, I wanted you to know that I get it, you know?  Going to college and finding yourself and being afraid of telling people certain things…”

Jared shrugged, “look, I’m sorry I just sort of said what I said last night, it just sorta slipped out and I didn’t mean it to sound, well, I just don’t want it to be awkward.”

Jensen laughed, but Jared thought maybe it was at himself; he took a deep breath and spoke to no one in particular, “I’m doing such a bad job at explaining this.”

Jensen held his hand out to Jared, “Jared, come here.”

Jared tried not to do anything stupid as he moved forward, he willed his heart to stop skipping beats and his head to stop buzzing so he could think and plan and not over-react.  He slipped his hand into Jensen’s outstretched one, the skin warm and a little rough from work against Jared’s own.

Jensen tugged Jared closer, until their bodies were pressed together and Jared could feel the soft cotton material of Jensen’s shirt against his skin.  Jared attempted short, even breaths and looked up into Jensen’s deep green eyes.  He could see the beginnings of crow’s-feet around the edges of his eyes, but Jared thought it made him look more real, more human, more someone who could possibly want someone like Jared. 

Jensen leaned down and whispered against Jared’s mouth, “This is what I’m trying to tell you.”

With that he pressed his mouth against Jared’s, their lips meeting for the first time in a hesitant touch that soon escalated into more.  Jared groaned, praying this wasn’t some stupid dream his mind had concocted.  He felt Jensen surge against him at the noise and he pressed his tongue in as Jared opened his mouth and tilted his head up further.  He could feel Jensen’s hands skimming his back, traveling up and under Jared’s shirt to touch soft skin, making Jared flinch and moan again.

It wasn’t Jared’s first kiss, he had had plenty of girlfriends in high school, but it was the first time he had ever kissed someone older than him, or someone who was a guy.  It occurred to him that this might be going further than he had even dared imagine.  He felt Jensen moving him back slowly towards the bed and a loud crack of thunder sounded above the house, causing Jared to jump apart from Jensen. 

He pressed the pads of his fingers to Jensen’s lips and locked his own soft brown eyes with Jensen’s, before he whispered while trying to hold in his embarrassment, “I’ve never been past, well, a certain point, or with a guy and…”

Jensen placed a finger over Jared’s mouth and shushed him, “I’m going to show you.”

Jared nodded and moved up to claim Jensen’s lips in a kiss, bolder now with the knowledge that his desires were returned.

Jensen pulled away to take his own shirt off, he smiled tentatively at Jared, “you tell me if I do something you don’t like?”

Jared nodded as he raked his hands down Jensen’s chest, dipping his fingers into the minute valleys of Jensen’s abs.  He tasted the salt and warmth of Jensen’s skin and couldn’t imagine Jensen could come up with anything Jared wouldn’t like.  He wanted to explore and taste some more.  He wanted to do all the things he ever secretly thought about doing since he’d thought about, well, doing this, with Jensen. They fell onto the bed.

Jared’s breath caught as Jensen rolled Jared underneath him, claiming his mouth in another searing kiss as their bodies moved together.  Jared opened his eyes and noticed the lights flickering just as he heard another crack of thunder.  As he stared up into Jensen’s eyes he realized that the storm outside was nothing compared to the overwhelming rush of ecstasy he would experience tonight.  Jared felt Jensen’s hands exploring his skin, followed closely by his mouth, and he closed his eyes and let himself be transported. 

\------

Now, standing in the same room by the same bed and looking down into Jensen’s eyes Jared still remembers clearly the passion they shared.  Jensen had told him it would fade, that Jared would forget about the lonely rodeo cowboy trying to run a dying ranch out in Wyoming when he went off to college.  Jared hadn’t thought it was possible, but college was important and he knew that if he wanted what they had shared that summer to ever be more, than he had to leave.

He had thought of Jensen through every test, every frat party, every girlfriend and boyfriend that didn’t work out, and every rumble of thunder rolling in from a summer rainstorm.  And in this moment, trailing his lips down the soft skin of Jensen’s neck, kissing the now even more pronounced creases at the corner of his eyes, Jared knows with overwhelming conviction that they had both been right.  Jensen had been right to make him leave and Jared had been right to come back. 

\------

How had something that wonderful and perfect led to such heartache?  Jared had never been particularly good at goodbyes and it had taken every ounce of courage, restraint, and maturity he could muster to walk away from Jensen just a few short weeks later.  He had to go to college.  He had to go back east.  His heart had decided to stay firmly in Wyoming.

Jared laughed as he pressed his nose into Jensen’s neck, “if I promise to go to college, to date other people, to do all the college stuff I want to, and get my degree… if I promise to do all that, and I still want to come back when I graduate, will you still want me?”

He felt Jensen’s deep steady breathing, felt lips on the side of his neck.  Jared could feel Jensen’s resolve like a steel band squeezing both of them till they couldn’t breathe, “if you promise me that you will do all those awesome college things you talked about with such fucking enthusiasm, and you still want to come back, then you know where to find me.”

Jared pulled away to look at Jensen’s face before he had to get into the truck and drive away from this place, from this summer that had meant more to him then he’d ever imagined, “I promise I’ll come back to you.”

Jensen smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, “you may not understand now Jared, but I promise you when you’re at some stupid frat party and having a blast, or you’re grabbing food with your friends, or you’re holding that degree in your hand and your parents are telling you how proud they are of you… you’ll understand then, why I’m asking you to leave.”

Jensen stepped back from him and Jared’s body felt colder, “take it from someone who had a lot of their choices taken from them, I will not let you limit your choices for me.”

Jared wanted to tell Jensen that all he needed was him, but it sounded stupid and romantic and illogical.  What Jared really needed was a college degree.  If Jensen could be level-headed about their predicament then Jared could too, even if it did feel a bit like his heart was being forced out of his body through his throat.

Jensen clapped Jared on the shoulder and shook him, “promise me Jared, promise me that you’ll do all those things you told me about just a few short months ago.”

Jared nodded his head and opened the door to his truck, “I promise.”

That had been the last time he’d seen Jensen, a lone silhouette disappearing into the dust as Jared drove away.

\------

The sun was shining outside when Jared laid Jensen out on the bed that they had shared all those summers ago.  The room looked cheerful and warm as their boots and clothes hit the carpet at random intervals.  As Jared watched the way the sunlight fell across Jensen’s golden, freckled skin he marveled at how different they were, how time had altered them, and the many ways they were the exact same.  They still fit together; they were still two people trying to find their way forward, trying to find their way to each other. 

Jensen had told him _their_   _summer_ , as Jared had started calling it, when Jared had been talking about college and his future, that it was the journey that mattered and not the destination.  Jared knew as he rested beside Jensen on the bed, their fingers relearning the contours of each other’s bodies, that Jensen had been right.  Jared didn’t care about the destination as much as he cared about traveling the long road between here and there with Jensen at his side. 

 

 


End file.
